28 September 2011
In the past twelve months at least ten people have committed suicide here. In the past week alone, three people. One of those happened to be a twelve year old boy. I can’t even grasp the fact that so many people have felt like they had no one to talk to and that nothing could get better. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’ve never thought about it – everyone has, but to actually go through with it is a totally different story. As hard as it is sometimes to even think of getting out of bed and get through the day, I could not do that to my family, I don’t think they could handle it. I know I couldn’t handle it if someone I was incredibly close to decided that their lives weren’t worth it without at least trying to talk to me about it. I’m not saying that talking will fix everything, but it’s worth a fucking try.
I once told my Mother, in all seriousness, that I didn’t want to exist anymore. What she got from that was that I wanted to kill myself. I guess in a way, maybe I did. She looked at me and said “If you kill yourself that’s it. Death is forever.” I already knew this, but having her say it to me made all the difference. If I had killed myself, I’d miss out on so much. Some days I fucking hate everything and nothing and no one seems worth it. A lot of the time, I am miserable. But even on those really fucked up days, something will make me smile. There is too much beauty in the world to quit and I’m reminded of that everyday.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is, it can’t be shit all the time. Things are always changing, for better or worse. As Bukowski said: What matters most is how well you walk through the fire. I don’t give a shit if we’re not friends, if you need me to listen to you, then speak the fuck up. Talk to me, or someone else, before you decide your life isn’t worth it. Do not give up when there’s still something to hold onto. Pick yourself up and move the fuck on from whatever it is that’s messing with your head. You’re worth it and if you’re not going to keep going for someone else’s sake, at least do it for your own. Don’t throw it all away when it means so much. You are important. Your life matters – remember.
Taken from x